Can the Mad Hermit fall in Love?

The phobia that exists to commit to anyone is definitely growing with every new friend I make.

There's no denying that there is interest, sometimes one way, sometimes the other, sometimes even both ways. Yet each time, it closes in... i start to get cold feet and its an unfortunate truth.

Do i really want to love again? but the bed-times are getting lonely, the sheets feel cold to the touch, the laughter is hollow and rings in the house.

Sigh, will there be a light at the end of this tunnel?

Singaporean Culture or lack of it

Singapore is a place that without money you cant live in. The environment simply doesn't permit it.

Hence materialism features strongly in the psyche of the typical singaporean. Not a very flattering component in the singaporean when he interacts on an international platform. He comes across shallow in perspective, impatient and naturally self-centered or condescending. At times, arrogance is the order of the day when technical expertise is in his favour.

Generalisation? Perhaps, but honestly, I've yet to hear a SINCERE flattering word about Singaporeans abroad.

You often hear social and cultural comments on other countries, races or religion. Singaporeans seem to have mixed up economic success with social and cultural maturity.

The latter carries a very important component - TIME.

Singapore is too young to have achieved that levels of maturity yet we frequently see efforts to rush it, much like the way we rushed our economic developement.

Do we even understand what is culture and society?

Culture needs historical platforms to develop, unlike what we are doing now - using materialistic platforms to develop it.

Esplanade aka the Durians, Grants etc etc

We seem to be forgetting that interest and the ability to at least put food on the table are important issues.

Sigh .... would be nice to grow old and be able to enjoy culture and society, without having to worry where the next meal is coming from.

Facing fears - One of them anyway

Last night as prepared to go to bed, the sudden quietness of my house and room seemed to suffocate, pressing against me.

It was stifling and emotionally, barriers started to weaken unwillingly. Almost burst into tears crying for the lack of a partner to share my life. Correction - lack of a partner that I wanted to share my life with.

Took a while to compose myself, but finally managed to do so. And in the process, realised that the people I had shared my life with for so long, are now happy where they are. Shouldn't intrude upon it and inside me, was a feeling of genuine happiness for them.

As for me? I realised that this trodden path is not unique to me, but it will be one that will be trodden alone.

There is a phobia to committ to anyone now, a phobia that will take a long time and much effort to overcome. It took me long enough to face it - it will take longer to overcome it, for the fear of being hurt again is an experience rather not re-lived.

Hopefully, it happens before this body becomes ashes and in the meantime, work and online gaming will center my life. Time is passing fast for me, but the emotional state just cannot be rushed.

There is still hope, and its a belief that's centric to survival for now.

Wishing others goodwil

Ever walked past a beggar on the street or an elderly person trying to sell tissue, you will understand how I feel.

You wish well for the person yet fear that by wishing the person goodwill, will you be giving up YOUR own goodwill to the person. No matter what beliefs we subscribe to, that fear will be there, its a matter if we want to acknowledge its existence.

And its a very real fear, one given life by our own stubborness of how we cling on to it.

So arent illusions powerful?

Of Past Lives, Present Lives andFuture Lives

When we went to Bangkok with my master and grandmaster, I asked the question : Who was I in my past life?

My grandmaster smiled and pointed at my master and said, ask your master. I turned to my master and he merely asked me, why is it important?

I couldn't answer, not because I didn't know but because I knew it was simply my ego that made me want to know, and that smae ego made me too embarrassed to answer.

Years later, I discovered the answer to my question myself, with some guidance from some friends who were excellent teachers of life. Not all teachers wear robes, shave their heads. Many come in the form of simple old men playing chess, youngsters playing online games, and wisdom doesnt respect age, beats me what it respects although i have a strong suspicion what it does respect.

Anyway, I remember my master saying, if you can tell me where you will reincarnate and what you will be reborn as in my next life, I can run off and practice on my own.

I couldnt but i still ran off! Haha... guess i still had the karma to learn and practice. My present life is a reflection of my past life, and my present life will be a picture of my future life.

Hence, make your choices, and I choose to live my life as well as I can, with love and compassion.

It is our choices that determine this life and the next. And I know wherever I go, I'm practicing.

May peace and love always be with everyone!

The Workplace - Office

The workplace is a strange thing, its like your partners sometimes. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

Regardless of whether you are an employee or a business owner, you need a source of income, and that is generated by profitable activities. And your workplace gives you that opportunity, and mind you workplace is not necessary a fixed location.

But is money the SOLE source of satisfaction? Can we get anything else out of it?

All the frustrations that we claim come from work or the workplace, actually come from us and how we relate to the issues, and the people the issues are centric around. Remove any one end of the equation and you will not be frustrated anymore.

Cant control the other party, control yourself.

There's a life out there! Seize it !

Entering the Cave

I'm a lousy poet, with an over imaginative mind and a wild untamed heart.


BUT THIS WORLD IS MINE TO CONQUER!


okok, I'm mad, that's obvious! :)




Spending time in this world allows you a multitude of experiences. But those experiences are neutral, its how we relate to them that makes them uniquely ours. Oftentimes, I find myself merely a repository of experiences, without sparing time to contemplate on them and its importance. Only when it is needed, then will they be extracted and chewed on. Even that, I count my blessings to be able to pull out from my repository to help the situation, as it would seem that not everyone can do it.

When we can see where we will be reborn in our next life, we will understand how to practice in this life. Guidance from others will also take on a different meaning.


How to reach there?


I'm taking my first definitive step, it would seem. In front of me, I see a cave beckoning to me. the darkness so inky, that it exudes fear. But I realise that the fear is only inside me. There is no darkness there, only an absence of the light that I am standing in now.

When I walk into the cave, the darkness envelopes me in a loving hug whilst the light bids me a safe journey. Seek the truths within and the darkness within the cave, will be a light that you can see by, and you will no longer need to search for the light. For you will be the light then.



Its time.