Last night as prepared to go to bed, the sudden quietness of my house and room seemed to suffocate, pressing against me.
It was stifling and emotionally, barriers started to weaken unwillingly. Almost burst into tears crying for the lack of a partner to share my life. Correction - lack of a partner that I wanted to share my life with.
Took a while to compose myself, but finally managed to do so. And in the process, realised that the people I had shared my life with for so long, are now happy where they are. Shouldn't intrude upon it and inside me, was a feeling of genuine happiness for them.
As for me? I realised that this trodden path is not unique to me, but it will be one that will be trodden alone.
There is a phobia to committ to anyone now, a phobia that will take a long time and much effort to overcome. It took me long enough to face it - it will take longer to overcome it, for the fear of being hurt again is an experience rather not re-lived.
Hopefully, it happens before this body becomes ashes and in the meantime, work and online gaming will center my life. Time is passing fast for me, but the emotional state just cannot be rushed.
There is still hope, and its a belief that's centric to survival for now.
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